The Bluntness of My Eating Disorder

When I would talk about my eating disorder with my therapist, she brought up multiple times that I should probably see a dietitian. I was like, “What? No, I don’t want to. I’m not even that bad.” I managed to delay it for awhile. However, once it started getting worse, she brought it up to my parents later on and it was a done deal. I guess I would try it out and see how it goes.

The first visit really scared me—before, during, and after. I was super nervous going into it too. When she was just asking me basic questions about my health and what I was going through, I started to cry a little just from my nerves.

Anyway, she asked me questions and I gave her some history about how I was restricting and purging my meals. Then, she went on to explain how the body works and uses its energy. How food is fuel for my body and I need it to survive and function. Plus, she explained the harm I was doing to my body. How I could cause severe damage to my esophagus. How every time I was purging, I was making my electrolyte levels extremely out of balance. How electrolytes help muscles function and when they get out of balance like that, the most important muscle in our body—the heart—could stop, leading to heart failure which is often fatal. She told me each time I was doing it, I was risking my life. Sometimes people go on for years and their heart can handle it, but for others, they could purge only a few times and go into cardiac arrest. Which one was I? Nobody knows until it happens. I could die tomorrow for all she knew.

I was sitting there in awe. I mean, I knew it was dangerous, but the way she was saying it really hit me. And that wasn’t all—she called my dad in and made ME explain to him what we went over and the ways I could die by doing what I was doing. She even added onto it by saying that my parents didn’t want to walk into my room to find me dead on the bathroom floor. Both my dad and I were shock. She was being so blunt about it. Plus, the fact that I had been having some problems with my heart lately especially freaked out my parents.

Although that first visit was definitely terrifying, I think I really needed it at that moment. Looking at my dad in the eye and seeing his face as I explained how I could die made me really want to get better even if it was just for my parents. Luckily, the visits after that weren’t as bad and the nutritionist was actually super nice, but she was just really serious about everything. She held me accountable and like I said, I think I really needed that. Yes, I definitely had some bumps in the road and still struggle every now and then, but I’m so much better with my eating disorder now and no longer restrict or purge. Since it was caught fairly early, I don’t have any long-term damage that I know of and could recover without going into more intensive treatment.

Anyway, this was just a little recount of my first visit with my nutritionist/dietitian and what she said that made me decide that I wanted to get better. l’ll go more in depth another time, but she definitely taught me things that I’ll always remember and a lot would even be helpful to anyone even if they don’t have any eating problems. I’m glad I ended up going and if you’re struggling, sometimes the best thing to do is to find and remember those reasons why you want to get better ❤