It’s now the time in my life where I have to apply for colleges and figure out what I want to do and where I want to go after high school. Honestly, the fact that I have no idea what my life is going to look like in a year scares me really bad. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I hate the unknown. I just need someone to tell me what I will end up choosing and everything and then I’ll feel a little better. However, we all know that’s not how things work.
What if I change my mind? What if I hate where I choose to go? What if I would like it better somewhere else?
There’s all these what-ifs that won’t stop swirling around in my head…
What if my mental health goes down again when I’m there and since I’ll be away from home without my family, it has the potential to get a lot worse. What if I have to drop out?
The possibilities are endless. Literally thinking about the concept of college can easily bring me to tears because of all of the unknown. I realized though, I’m not thinking about all the good things that could happen. After all, isn’t college something that people look forward to?
What if I have the best time of my life? What if I love the college I go to? What if I am able to control my mental health because I already learned a lot of things to help with it?
While I am trying to be more positive in this process, I am also very aware that life isn’t black and white and things may not go perfectly. I may decide that where I choose is not for me. I was talking to someone about that the other day and she brought up a good point… I’m not “marrying” the college. I can leave and transfer to another college if I decide I hate it and that’s absolutely okay. I’m allowed to change my mind and go a different path if I want to. I’m not stuck there for the rest of my life. And honestly, there’s most likely good things and bad things about every college. There isn’t going to be a “perfect” place and I just have to be okay with that.
Also, I can find relief in knowing that God will lead me in the right direction. Psalms 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” God will always be on my side no matter what happens or where I go. I just have to trust that He will lead me in the right direction and when I run into obstacles (notice I didn’t say if), I can put my faith in Him to lead me back into the light.
Yeah, I realize that things aren’t going to be perfect, but I will grow from my experiences either way. I also know that things aren’t forever going to be absolutely terrible either. Instead of being super anxious about what’s to come, I can be excited to explore the next stage in my life. Instead of seeing this time of my life as a disaster waiting to happen, I can view it as a new adventure awaiting to begin.